The Friday, Currently 001: Chandelier (Maybe If I Drank, I’d Be Braver)

Decided to get into the habit of blogging every week, even if it is just in the form of an online diary (which is, let’s be honest, what blogging started out as being before we turned it into an extension of our social media brag books/place to pontificate about our expertise when the rooftops of the world got too full). I read about Sidda Thornton’s The Sunday Currently” from blogger Mikka Wee, a.k.a. “The Tiny Traveler,” and was intrigued by the idea except my weekends are usually backed with band rehearsals and church and late-night attempts at poetry typed madly on my mobile phone and uploaded via my Tumblr Mobile app (You can check out those late-night musings at The Bottle Rocket.).

My Fridays, by comparison, are much less busy–while people are out partying, usually I’m staying in, reading or doing calligraphy or staring mindlessly into space, thinking about my weekends.

…which is, honestly, time better spent writing.

So here we are: my issue number one of “The Friday Currently.”

C U R R E N T L Y . . .

R E A D I N G  “Beautiful Chaos” by Gary Russell, which is the Tenth Doctor novel in the 50th Anniversary collection of Doctor Who novels.  I’m re-reading it to fulfill my “book that made you cry” category for the 2015 Book Challenge, and have a sudden hankering to learn the song “O Lord, What a Morning (When The Stars Begin to Fall)” because of it.  Also, Wilf Mott.  God bless you, Wilf.

W R I T I N G  this blog post.  Aside from that, have sort of slowed-down in terms of writing/journaling since the conclusion of NaPoWriMo, which is the reason for the existence of the aforementioned “The Bottle Rocket” poetry blog.

L I S T E N I N G to the acoustic cover of Sia’s Chandelier by The Wind and the Wave.  On loop.  Heard it first (I think) on an episode of the now-cancelled Selfie, starring ginger queen Karen Gillan.  Got hooked on it, because when you strip the song of its party beat you can hear the story underneath and there’s such a pathos to its description of the party-girl life that I find it the perfect soundtrack for a Friday night spent “reflecting” (read: moping) on it being, well, yet another Friday night.

W A T C H I N G, or rather, pseudo-marathoning the (also cancelled) series Lie To Me, which my boss gave me all the seasons of.  Intrigued by the premise, the episodes are usually interesting, and Brendan Hines (esp. pulling of character Eli Loker’s “radical honesty”) is nothing short of adorable.  Also, should really catch up on my other “thinking” series, Scorpion.

T H I N K I N G  that maybe that paragraph for “Listening” sounded a wee bit pretentious.

S M E L L I N G  the last remnants of the Elizabeth Arden Green Tea Body Spray I spritzed myself with this morning.

W E A R I N G  Uniqlo blue chiffon polka-dot dress + taupe leather belt, Via Venetto blue suede heels, Henri Bendel blue headband (from my trip to New York, where I took the Gossip Girl tour and had to buy something from Bendel’s BECAUSE BLAIR WALDORF).

L O V I N G  The Wind and The Wave and maybe I should stop playing Chandelier on loop and listen to their other stuff?

*actually does*

*It is awesome.*

W A N T I N G  to go home, mostly.  A bit hungry, and craving my comfort (read: breakfast) food of slightly-burnt corned beef, scrambled egg, and onion/garlic rice.

N E E D I N G  to read up on some stuff because I’m going to be on air at 6AM tomorrow morning for The Morning After on Mellow 94.7 (Yep, that is a shameless plug for my slowly-concluding radio life.)

W I S H I N G  that I hadn’t discovered what today is.

F E E L I N G  really conflicted about my decision to not celebrate International Tell Your Crush Day, which apparently today is and has been since 1984 (or so the website about it says).  Before this year, May 7 was just May 7, and ergo just another day in a calendar.  But Buzzfeed has a way of ridding you of ignorance (and, therefore, bliss) with a well-timed (ill-timed?) social post.

So yes, now I know that today is International Tell Your Crush Day and, as you have probably been able to tell from the poetry I’ve posted here (and, if you’ve clicked the link to The Bottle Rocket, the poetry I’ve posted there as well), I do have a crush, hence the title of this post.

I’m going to be honest: I think I’m smart enough.  I’m not stupid, at least, so when I make a decision that looks intelligent, I should be satisfied with it.  And I am–not acting on International Tell Your Crush Day and instead tweeting Tom Hiddleston (who won’t, let’s face it, care enough to even read that tweet, let alone reply to it) was the right thing to do, for both parties concerned and also considering the circumstances that exist between me and…er…

Let’s call him S?  (He has a very slight, but very pointed resemblance to actor–whose name begins with S, in case you didn’t get it–from one of my favorite TV series.  If you squint.  And you’re very, very drunk.)

So anyway, S and I have some rather…delicate circumstances between and surrounding us.  I won’t go into detail because, well, this blog isn’t as anonymous as I’d like it to be.  What I will say, though, is that admitting to S that I like him would probably do neither of us any good, even if I think he probably already knows.

As it is, we’ve reached an almost friendly detente, waltzing around each other’s unspoken knowledge (“I know.” “I know you know.”) in the incredibly awkward way of two twenty-somethings still trying to live like uni students while pretending to be like “adults.”  Me admitting something right out would just ruin the flow we’ve managed to develop.

(I insult him.  He’ll groan, then condescend to laugh at my attempts to cover up the fact that I’m awkwardcrushing like a seventeen-year-old because, let’s face it, my way of crushing hasn’t changed much from me at seventeen.  Or fifteen.  Or twelve.)

know that not saying anything is the best choice I’ve made regarding S in months.  The first time in months, actually, that I’ve been able to make a good choice regarding him.  (I had a chance half a year or more ago when I could have walked down the path that said “DON’T LIKE HIM, LONELYGIRL!” but nope, took the road less traveled by good sense, which is less traveled for a reason.)  But despite the fact that I know this is the best, the right, the obviously sane and self-preserving choice–I feel depressed, because I wanted to say something.  I wanted to shoot the darn elephant in the room square in the eye.  Radical honesty.

My survival instinct kicked in and I didn’t.  Instead, I awkwardly meandered my way out of the topic.  And that’s a good thing.  Nothing’s changed.  We’ll both see each other again in a few days time and the dance will go on.  I’m beginning to realize that sometimes, chickening out is the best decision you can make…but because it’s “chickening out,” it might feel like the worst.

Oh well.  Feels are the enemy anyway.

That’s it for my first Friday, Currently.  Promise to write with something more interesting, maybe advice-y and put-together, soon.  Until then, though, I remain, most sincerely,

~ARoamingTsinay~

The Sunday Currently was created by Siddathornton. I’ve added categories since I’ve become a TV nut, and also copying the format of NothingSpaces.com.

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