“Give him time.”
Give me a shell.
I’ll bear the weight.
I’ll bear it well–
Until I break.
(You’d like a scene.)
So I’ll walk away–
Become a dream.
The worst kind of “people being mad at you” situation is when a) you didn’t mean to make them mad but you did something silly and someone took it the wrong way until it escalated and b) they deal with the problem not with outright rage but with “I’ll pretend you don’t exist.”
…Especially if that person is friends with all your “friends,” because the awkwardness becomes a wall shutting you out from everywhere else. A part of you knows it’s you’re fault, technically, but another part screams “but that’s not what I meant at all!”
You can’t control how people take things anymore than you controlling how much it will hurt when they retaliate.
You wonder if crying helps, but you cry too much to begin with.
You don’t cry. You write. You dream of walking away forever saying “See, here, you won. You win. I will go and you will stay and I can truly not exist and I hope that pays the price. I hope that seals the debt. Because I’d do anything to make it all better. Because I still want to be a friend.”
(Like that will happen.)