[Me and My Lists] Part 1: The List That Was

June 24, 2010

The Revised Future Husband Checklist

  • Mature Christian, in word and deed.  He must be more mature than I am.
  • Loves children (but doesn’t want a lot) and is comfortable showing affection to them.
  • Loves to laugh–is relaxed with himself and knows when to be serious and when to take it easy.
  • Someone I can instinctively trust and submit to, no questions (well, minimum questions) asked–someone I can look up to.
  • …But someone I can debate with on the rare occasion I feel like debating a point.
  • Not unduly talkative, but warm and knows how to open up and keep a friendly conversation.
  • Good listener.
  • Respects my sensibilities and shares most of my convictions re: dating, marriage, and purity. (e.g. “saving my first kiss”)
  • Intelligent, but not a show-off and does not go out of his way to flaunt his “beautiful mind.”  (He has to be as intelligent as me, and must love “leisurely researching” as much as I do.)
  • Artistically inclined, but not temperamental.  Calm and steadying.
  • Makes me laugh.  Can put me at ease.  I have to be able to just sit with him and feel comfortable not talking.
  • Has to enjoy reading (not necessarily to a voracious extent–just enough for me to show stories to, who can critique them).
  • Knows how to blend enough wit into a compliment so it’s not saccharine-sweet.  (I like my sweets with a bit of bite.)
  • Diligent, but knows when to be at leisure and when to relax.  Makes good use of his time.
  • Isn’t intimidated by me but ready to stand up to me and match wits.
  • Knows when I need to “mother” him a little, but understands that I’ll need him to be my protector–and lets me know (w/o being overbearing) that he will be there.
  • Five to ten years older than me, or equivalently more mature than I am.  (But, and I cannot stress this enough, knows when to goof off and crack jokes like a kid…with a certain dignity, of course.)
  • (Goes without saying.) Handsome, and/or has a charm to his face.  Possesses both a “sexy” smile (smirk?) and a charming little-boy grin.  A face I’d love to sketch over and over again.
  • Ditto for sexy voice.  Deep, but not menacingly so.  Has clear enunciation and does not mumble almost-to-himself.
    Charming, friendly, and open in the sense of having no qualms introducing himself to my parents and friends.
  • 5’10” to 6’0”. (This is my mom’s requirement.)
  • (negotiable, but I tend towards this) Fair to mildly tanned.
  • Clean-cut but not boring.  Boy-next-door with a slight rocker edge.  Hair not so long that it flops everywhere.  If his hair is wavy, may be slightly long, but hitting the collar at most.  [after which, I gave a detailed list of “pegs”]
  • Fashion sense: clean-cut but slightly rumpled.  Dresses well, but not uptight.  May wear boardshorts but not often.  Laid back but looks put together. And NO super-skinny jeans or I retch.
  • NOT a videogame addict.  Prefers reading or more productive activities to gaming. (Not necessarily not a gamer–just balances it out with other more substantial pursuits.)
  • Loves music, and not screamo metal ow-my-ears-they-bleed.  Good, solid taste.
  • Can sing.  Not necessarily super-well, but good.
  • Knows what “risqué,” “saccharine,” “dishevelled,” and “nauseated” mean. (good grasp of vocab)
  • Likes theater.  Doesn’t necessarily “love” it but can put up with late-night rehearsals and me dragging him to watch shows.
  • Not judgemental.  Exercises tolerance and is accepting of people. (Doesn’t mean he can’t find people annoying.)
  • Someone I will never be afraid isn’t telling me something straight–if I’m acting ridiculous, I will never have to doubt that he will tell me…gently but firmly.
  • Understands that sometimes I’ll need to be told I’m beautiful.
  • Virgin until marriage.  Does not have to wear a purity ring, but I won’t mind that little accessory.  PDA kept to hugs and arm-over-shoulders, and cheek-kiss or forehead-kiss on “special occasions.”
  • (really negotiable) ring size 7.
  • Photogenic. (semi-negotiable.  People have…angles.)
  • Build: average.  Not scrawny, but not fat either.  Well-built but not buff.  Legs and arms toned but not overly muscular.  Chest and shoulders defined but I don’t need a six pack (four-pack is fine?).
  • Looks: regal.  (I tend to fall for guys with a hint of regal looks, generally.)  Strong jaw, well-shaped cheeks…that echo of royalty in his look, no matter how open and boyish his face.  For the record, he can’t look too boyish as my looks are very heavily regal and so I may end up looking older.
  • Not jealous or possessive or clingy, but knows that I feel love expressed through time.
  • Is confident.  Can admit he doesn’t know something.
  • (negotiable but preferable) Has brother and sister or sisters.
  • Good relationship with his parents.  Loves his mother and honors her.  (Not a mama’s boy, though.)  If he has sisters, treats them well.
  • Strong but not overwhelming personality.
  • Not theatric, but knows how to “play.”
  • Slightly ambitious in the sense that he sets goals for himself and does not laze around…
  • But is not status-conscious or a social climber.
  • Comfortable or well-off.  (I’m not a gold-digger, and I’m not pricey, but he has to be able to afford being married to a woman who may choose to only work part-time and devote herself to her kids.)
  • Speaks fluent, well-accented English and serviceable Filipino.  Fair grasp of both Hokkien and Mandarin.
  • (Negotiable) Knows French, Spanish, or Italian/Tuscan. (Coz I’m learning French!)
  • Can cook (not a chef, but knows how to make something other than instant noodles).
  • Willing to help out around the house if he needs to.
  • Responsible.  Can handle money.  (Please teach your slightly spendthrift future wife!)
  • Likes dogs and cats.  Will not freak out at the sight of kittens.
  • Down-to-earth and well-rounded.
  • Practical romantic.
  • A leader.
  • Someone who will love me, warts and all (hopefully I never get warts, though), but will love God more.  He will stand as an example of a man of God to those around him, and will live a life of…uh…L.I.F.E. 😛


I was seventeen.  I had just entered my second year of university.  I was single, but thought of myself as “in love” with a Chinese boy (my mother rejoiced) from my summer theater group.

I was young.  Very young.  I didn’t understand a lot of things about love and relationships.  I still assumed most unmarried people were virgins.  I still had a ton of rules on how to interact with boys, though I was slowly learning to bend them as I got to know more boys.

I still thought that making a list of what you wanted in a future husband was a good idea.

(Stay tuned for part 2)




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