Not Anti-Social. Just Not Social

I am not social. I don’t like outings or parties because I get bored and don’t know what to do with myself.

My idea of a social life involves a common creative activity like band practice or jam sessions or theater rehearsal, and if I do “party” it’s usually to celebrate the end of a show and it’s a sort of semi-“formal,” event-type thing. The people invited are likely to have the same or similar interests to me. If drinking games are to be played I can usually find an escape clause to play them sober or else there are other sober people to talk to. It’s usually okay to say “I’m sleepy now, bye!” and go home.

(I like sleepovers though. I won’t ever outgrow that love.)

It’s not that I find parties and outings “bad.” They aren’t. They look pretty and fun and awesome. But I don’t enjoy them. Maybe I’m a Darcybot that way. I probably am a Darcybot that way. Socializing makes me tired. I prefer talking with a few close friends. I prefer laser tag or sleepovers or running around weird places in costume (not cosplay tho–that is an art form; I play dress-up). I like jam sessions and scavenger hunts. I like sitting in front of Starbucks at 10pm when it’s chilly out and just talking.

I think you can call me sedentary? I also think maybe I’m kind of boring. What I know is I’m not social, and it’s nothing personal. I compartmentalize my life. I’m sort of socially awkward and don’t know how to talk to everybody. I don’t like making lots of new friends because I can’t handle lots of groups at once. I get really tired with all those…connections. I like hanging on to old friends though. I like to imagine all of my friends at my wedding, my kids’ christenings…I’m sentimental that way.

(I’m not a very casual person, I guess.)

I wanted to write this because I think I hurt a lot of people, or at least annoy them, because I am this way. I just want to make clear that it’s not personal. It’s just me. And if you don’t like it, that’s okay. And if you don’t agree with me, that’s okay too. I’m just…this is me. And I’m learning to make peace with that.




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