Lonely Driving [Poetry Repost]

A/N: Written by a character. Mentions a kissing scene.

Lonely Driving
A Poem by Nekomi Takazawa

Submitted in fulfillment of requirements for ENGLISH – Poetry Elective.

The smell of my car’s leather interior,
And cherry lipgloss with chocolate stains.
I grind into the bucket seat.
The open road ahead, running uphill,
Torturing the tires on the asphalt street,
Tears stinging in my eyes.
Remembering the jets of sunlight,
Coming through the thick glass panels,
Illuminating the coffee stains, constant rings of bitter brown,
Circle after circle, they flash on the windshield,
Like a slideshow I can’t stop, on a projector I can’t see.
The red roses you said goodbye with flash in my memory,
Dark red like the blur of stoplights through my tears.
Jam the car in fifth gear, hear,
The roar of an engine, see the shine of foglights,
Is it you, I wonder, that blur of white?
Or my knuckles gripping the steering wheel?
The smell of alcohol in the fall, from when,
We first met, I’m held together and pulled apart,
By the memories that form my gilded cage.
It should not hold me still at all,
But I stay in its four dimensions, my heart beating like bird’s wings.
Turn the radio on, feel the beat,
Like the endless rhythm of heel-toe braking,
We didn’t last long enough to have a song, but the electric cantata
Makes me slam my car into the guardrail, like suicide.
Stare at the windshield, through the thick driving rain,
My car’s too old to take this.
I gave up love for future, love for love,
Love for my falling star, cutting through the darkness
Unchallenged brilliance, I gave up the ultimate dream
Love is the ultimate dream, dreams never come true.

Sing along to the radio,
Slam my head into the wheel,
Hear the horns blare, hear your voice there,
Try to drive away all that I feel.
Stall the car in the middle of a storm,
I still smell your cologne, won’t get up till I forget it.
Doctors can’t fix this, I hope you end up to be
The only one who can, someday, I’m left wishing for a falling star
Uselessly I pump the brakes, heel-toe,
Sobbing into the dashboard.
So this is what Lonely Driving is like.
This is what Lonely Driving is like.
Watching the scenes flash on the windshield.
Remembering how on the last day I grabbed your collar
Forced your lips, dragged them on mine.
How you kept your eyes open the whole time,
Tasting the bile in my mouth, the salt in yours,
And how I let you go, laughed, and lied.
I said I was alright, and waved goodbye.
So this is what Lonely Driving is like.
I tell myself I’m such a fool, such a fool.
Jam my car back into gear, race my pain
On the downhill, but the pain always wins.
Through the blur of tears, trying to remember
My clumsy kiss, and wishing I was as drunk as when
We first met, still racing my pain
On the downhill through my tears.
This is all I have now.
This is what Lonely Driving’s like.
So this is what it’s like.

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