Here’s the thing about meltdowns: I don’t actually like having them, nor do I think they’re entirely necessary. Still, the one bright side of an episode is that it’s a little like when your skin purges: pushes out the gunk so that what remains gets better.
This last meltdown pushed out a lot of gunk, but in doing that, it’s helped uncover some lessons that hopefully make things better in the future.
So, without further ado, here’s a quick brain-dump of the things I’ve learned from my rough week.
- Fear, not anger, is the most dangerous emotion.
- There are many different flavors of commitment- and intimacy-phobia.
- Friendship isn’t a favor.
- Hurting each other is inevitable. It’s the choices made after the hurt that make the difference.
- You can’t see people in black and white. Especially yourself.
- Sometimes there’s no villain in the story. Sometimes it’s just two broken people trying to love each other the best they can.
- You don’t fix things by throwing them away.
- You are allowed to hold people accountable for leaving. They will hold you accountable for leaving too.
- You really can’t love anyone properly if you don’t love yourself. Self-loathing will poison everything. Self-loathing will make you lash out, believing all the while you’re doing people a favor when really you’re hurting them. Self-loathing causes self-destruction, but when you destroy yourself the people around you will be caught in the “splash zone” as collateral damage.
- Get help. Don’t be ashamed to. We’re all burdened people carrying each other’s burdens. Get help.
~ Actually Frankie